Tired of Meaningless Conversations

I am really not good at starting conversations, much less keeping a good one. I am not fond of the how-are-yous, weather talks and all the other simple conversations you usually can have with strangers. Sometimes I feel like I am too old and tired of all the getting-to-know-you meet ups. More often than not, I enjoy being just myself. Be it strolling around malls, reading a book at my favorite cafe, or just staying at home thinking about life. Good thing is, the old people in my life know and understand this. I don’t feel the need to explain myself to them every time I decline their invites for parties. I don’t have to feel sorry for choosing to spend my afternoons alone than hang out with them. I suck at meeting new people for these reasons. And I don’t have a problem with that. I’d rather be alone or go out with the old people in my life from time to time than try to explain to other people why I am like this only for them to mock me for not being good at socializing with others.

But I am good at having deep conversations about love, and life in general… I can also do good if you just need someone to be quiet with. That I can proudly say about myself.

Am I the only one who has this personality? Because I once tried to explain it to a friend of a friend and she just told me I was being crazy. I stopped talking to her after that. 😪


2017 – Please be good to me

I have been preoccupied with work stuff lately that I didn’t have time to write here nor even visit my blog. I realized how long I have been MIA when I was writing on my planner today and saw that there are only few pages left.

2017 is almost over. Is it just me, or this year feels sooo fast? Have I accomplished anything from my goals that I have set on my mind when this year just started? Was I too focused on work that I have forgotten about other things that are even more important?

Well maybe it’s not yet too late for me to keep up with life. I still have three months left to go for the things that I want. I hope and pray that before this year ends, I get to accomplish if not all, at least half of mg goals for this year.

Life. Happy Mother’s Day! 

If you will be given a chance to choose how you would lose someone, would you want it to be done abruptly, or slowly?

But if you really think about it, isn’t living your day to day life supposed to be your way of ‘slowly’ accepting that someday, sooner or later, you are going to lose all the people you love? That’s the finality of life whether we like it or not. Because everything is temporary. Even your existence is. 

So as much as I can, I try to live my daily life thinking it can be my or anyone’s last day. Because I don’t want to regret not having the chance to say I love someone. Because I know that no matter how hard I try to ask or even pray for it every day, I won’t get another day with the people I already lost. 

I just have to trust in His plans, right? I just have to have faith in Him and believe that He knows what He is doing. That everything will be okay. 

But. 9th Mother’s Day without my own mom to greet. I still miss you everyday. Everyday it still hurts like it was just yesterday. And everyday I still pray for just one more day with you. 😥 

Everything will be okay. Repeat until true. Maybe not today, but someday everything will make sense. 

Love Isn’t Blind

What is the better word to pair this with than love? But for me I believe otherwise. Because when it is real, you look beyond the flaws and imperfections. You see all the good and the bad and accept them. You realize the fears and insecurities and do everything to overcome them. 

Love is not blind but it is the opposite. Because love is all-seeing. And that is what makes love real though it is not perfect. 

Can You Stay?

Thank you for being my light at night

Thank you for being my sunshine when it rained

Thank you for making me smile even before the first tear escaped my eye

Thank you for believing in me when I doubted myself

Thank you for guiding me when I didn’t know which path to take

Thank you for taking my hand every time I fell

Thank you for being there for me when everyone left

And today I realized

Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see

Maybe I just felt what I needed to feel

But in reality, everything was just an illusion

Perfect scenarios I created in my mind

Because now you will be the one to leave

And I will be left alone again

At the center of this one large crowd

With only myself to depend on

Now I feel even more lost than before you found me