Life. Happy Mother’s Day! 

If you will be given a chance to choose how you would lose someone, would you want it to be done abruptly, or slowly?

But if you really think about it, isn’t living your day to day life supposed to be your way of ‘slowly’ accepting that someday, sooner or later, you are going to lose all the people you love? That’s the finality of life whether we like it or not. Because everything is temporary. Even your existence is. 

So as much as I can, I try to live my daily life thinking it can be my or anyone’s last day. Because I don’t want to regret not having the chance to say I love someone. Because I know that no matter how hard I try to ask or even pray for it every day, I won’t get another day with the people I already lost. 

I just have to trust in His plans, right? I just have to have faith in Him and believe that He knows what He is doing. That everything will be okay. 

But. 9th Mother’s Day without my own mom to greet. I still miss you everyday. Everyday it still hurts like it was just yesterday. And everyday I still pray for just one more day with you. 😥 

Everything will be okay. Repeat until true. Maybe not today, but someday everything will make sense. 

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Love Isn’t Blind

What is the better word to pair this with than love? But for me I believe otherwise. Because when it is real, you look beyond the flaws and imperfections. You see all the good and the bad and accept them. You realize the fears and insecurities and do everything to overcome them. 

Love is not blind but it is the opposite. Because love is all-seeing. And that is what makes love real though it is not perfect. 

Can You Stay?

Thank you for being my light at night

Thank you for being my sunshine when it rained

Thank you for making me smile even before the first tear escaped my eye

Thank you for believing in me when I doubted myself

Thank you for guiding me when I didn’t know which path to take

Thank you for taking my hand every time I fell

Thank you for being there for me when everyone left

And today I realized

Maybe I just saw what I wanted to see

Maybe I just felt what I needed to feel

But in reality, everything was just an illusion

Perfect scenarios I created in my mind

Because now you will be the one to leave

And I will be left alone again

At the center of this one large crowd

With only myself to depend on

Now I feel even more lost than before you found me

The Longest And The Loneliest Ride

I saw you today. 

I stand there with a trembling feeling as I look at you from a distance. It’s been weeks since the last time I saw you. Though you were always in my dreams, it still felt different when I saw you, the real you. 

I rode the same elevator with you. 

The space seemed a little smaller than the usual. You stood beside me. And I felt the electricity, that tingling feeling, when your arm accidentally brushed against my skin. Why did it feel so alien when we used to be more than that before?

We waited in silence. It was deafening but inside my head I was screaming for your name. I wanted to hold your hand like we used to. Did you remember everything too? The way you used to cling to me like you couldn’t imagine a life without me? The way you used to kiss me like you never wanted to stop? The way you used to wrap me in your arms like you never wanted to let me go? Because I did. I remembered everything. And maybe I still do. That maybe I have never forgotton a single thing about you, about us. But that man I knew has been long gone. The man who was standing there beside me was someone I didn’t know. 

I tried so hard to stop myself from begging for answers. 

I put my earphones on and just stood there. I didn’t even dare to look at you again the entire ride. It was the longest and loneliest elevator ride I have ever had. But it was the best elevator ride I could have had with you.