Watching You Walk Away

I was so nervous my hands were sweaty. Then I told myself, Why am I like this? It is just you. I know you.

We haven’t talked for days. You said you needed space. So I gave it to you. We were supposed to talk tomorrow. But I just couldn’t take it anymore. Everyday, it was like my chest was going to explode from the pain that I was feeling. And I missed you. It was like fate was playing with me, I bumped into you along the hallway. You smiled at me. But, that was it? So I texted you.

I miss you so much.

You replied with an apology. You said you were sorry for being so stubborn. Then I asked you if it was okay if we talked tonight. I knew I  was supposed to wait until tomorrow, but would the things you were to tell me tomorrow change overnight? I didn’t think so.

You told me to meet at the lobby. I got up from my chair immediately and in less than five minutes I was standing alone at the lobby, waiting patiently for you. Another five minutes passed, and I was getting more and more nervous with each passing minute. For a moment I thought you were not going to come. I was already growing impatient when I saw that familiar face, but with an unfamiliar expression. You were not the same man I met before. The one who was always flashing a smile on his face.

We walked silently until we reached the bench beside the fountain. This was where it all started. For me anyway. That was when I knew I loved you. And it was only what, five months ago? But it seemed ages. And now we were back at this same spot again, but only now, the roles were reversed. I was the one begging for you to stay.

I looked at your eyes and all my hopes were gone. They were telling me what your mouth was so afraid to say. I knew right then that your love for me was gone. But I was stupid enough to not believe what I saw. I told you about an article I read online.

Love is a choice. Love is not always about feelings. It is something you, both of you, have to work on. It is a choice you have to make every day. It is your choice to stay in love and be happy. However, it is also your choice to walk away and leave everything behind.

Unfortunately, you chose the latter.

If my now self can just go back to that night, I would give my then self a tap on the back for being so brave. What I did that night is something I don’t regret until now. Not. Ever.


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