Thank you, Sorry and Good bye

Hi,

First, I want you to know that I am not mad at you. So don’t feel guilty for leaving me. I was just hurt, actually I think I still am? But I am trying to be okay. I just don’t want you to be consumed by guilt. I want you to be always happy, the you I have known before there was an us. The you that I had as a friend.

Second,  I still miss you. Every single day. My mind and my heart are at a constant battle and I don’t even know which is fighting for which. There’s a voice within me that tells me I have to move on. But there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to forget. I really don’t know what to do. Or maybe I do. I am just not fully committed to doing it.

Third, I don’t want to hurt anymore. I still love you. But I don’t want to be selfish by begging you to stay. Sometimes, what’s making this hard for me is knowing that there are still many things we could have done as a couple. But you never gave us a chance. With the little time we had, I didn’t even feel like I’d been a girlfriend to you. We were just starting to build our relationship, yet you chose to just end it.

So please, show me you’re okay. Tell me you don’t regret what you did. Tell me you’ve already reached that point where you feel better, you are better. Or if you haven’t, that at least you are close to reaching it.

But maybe… There’s no point in knowing it. Maybe the only closure that I really need is the one that only I could give to myself. So maybe what I need to do is to erase all hopes from my mind and my heart.

To let you go, completely. I owe it to myself to at least try.

I am not saying that I’ve been miserable for the past three months. I am actually okay. But that’s it, I am okay meaning I am not depressed. But I am not too happy either. I am just okay.

Fourth, and I think the last, I don’t regret us. Despite the pain and the longing that I am feeling today, I won’t trade what we had for anything nor anyone. I don’t regret you. If I have to go back to the day when I said yes to you, I’d still choose you over and over again, even if that means I’d be hurting this much without knowing when this will end.

So thank you, for everything. By everything that includes all the good and the bad times we shared.

I’m sorry for all the pain and stress I caused you.

Last and the hardest, I love you, good bye.

I’ll still continue praying for you. Hope you find your happiness, my love. ❤

 

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