Previously published by Thought Catalog at http://www.thoughtcatalog.com
I learned to live my life alone. Hell, I even loved it. I enjoyed the idea of not giving a fuck on anyone or anything.
Going out to see the latest movies… Sitting on a table in my favorite restaurants… Strolling around malls… Laughing at stupid little things… Crying over silly stuff…
But I managed to live on my own. I booked plane tickets to the places I’d been wanting to visit. I started looking for my own place. I made plans for myself.
I read books. I wrote articles. I practiced photography. I studied the programming language I hated the most back in college.
I saw, with my own eyes, how colorful the world outside was. I learned, on my own, that the sun sets today and it will rise again tomorrow for a fresh start. I started to just swim through my emotions
I told myself that the pain I felt was a reminder that I was still human, that I was still alive, therefore I had to live.
I found reasons to live again, to feel alive again. I reminded myself that it was okay to cry but I had to smile again. I allowed myself to feel the pain, to get hurt, to grow and learn.
I was alone, but I wasn’t lonely.
For months, this was what I believed in. And it became my reality.
Until you found me.
We were two friends who got busy in our own worlds and lost contact. It was like we were just at the right place at the right time.
You showed me that the world was even more colorful when we looked at it together. You watched the sun set with me while holding my hand.
You let me sleep on your chest to wake up and see the sun’s light reflecting on your face. You shared your world to me, and I shared mine to you.
You read the articles I wrote. You gave me books to add to my to-read-list. You became the subject of the pictures I took.
I forgot about the solo travels I planned; you said you wanted to be my travel buddy. I started to like your taste in food; you ate with me in my favorite restaurants
We laughed at our own silly jokes. You showed me a whole different world, a world so much better than where I’d been living.
Before you, I thought I’d never love again.
Before you, I built a wall around my heart that no one could ever break.
Before you, I loved the idea of being alone.
Before you, I was totally fine.
But then you came… I wasn’t even waiting for you. I wasn’t expecting anything from you. But you still came.
Only to leave me hanging…
With questions I know I’ll never get the answers to.
With memories that will only bring tears to my eyes.
With future plans that I may have to toss away.
With the pain of not knowing where I went wrong.
With the regret of allowing you to come into my life.
With the resentment towards you for breaking my heart, knowing what I had been through.
Despite all these, I still hope you’ll miss me.
I still wish you’ll wake up one day realizing you still love me, or maybe, you’ll love me again. I still want you in my life. I want you to come back.
I will wait for you, no matter how long it will take. I will wait for you, until I can. I still want another chance, to remind you of how happy we were. To remind you of all the reasons why we started in the first place.
But if you’re sure this is what you really want, I’ll give you space to find yourself. I’ll take time to find myself too. It may be hard for me, but I will try my best to not think about you… To stop bothering you.
If one day you wake up missing me, just call me and I’ll run back to you.
I don’t want to believe that this is the end. I still pray that one day we’ll meet again, to maybe rekindle old flames… To give us another try. Maybe. We’ll meet again someday.