Make this stop… 

Today, when I look at you, so many questions pop in my head. 

‘Why did you do it?’

‘How were you able to hide it from me?’

‘How could you say you loved me while holding someone else’s hands?’

‘HOW COULD YOU SAY YOU LOVED ME?’ 

‘What did it feel like? Saying ‘I love you’ to two different women. And having two different women say they loved you back.’

And you know what I feel while rehearsing those questions in my mind? Hatred. And the pain that I feel just makes me want to hate you even more. I want to hurt you so bad… Hurt you twice or even more than what I feel…

Today is one of those rare days that I despise you. Today is one those rare days that I feel I’m better off without you. 
So. Please. God. Stop the anger that’s building up inside of me. Stop whatever this is. Help me make peace with my past… 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Make this stop… 

  1. I’ve had so many betrayals in my life from lovers, so called friends, family and have learned the “why” questions are worthless, just a mind fuck.

    In my life and understanding, it just came down to loving myself, learning my worth and making choices from that place from then on…..forgiving the other person so I could free myself, but not expecting them to change. If they do change and learn to love me, honor me, treat me with respect….great…if not, they are not welcome to be part of my life.

    Otherwise, I just spent my days focused on the past, missing the present and thus creating a continued screwed up future.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Many misunderstand “forgiveness”. It is really more for ourselves, to release us from the hamster ‘ s wheel of why, how could they, they should have….on and on it goes. Truth is we’ll probably never understand why someone did what they did…much of the time we don’t fully understand why WE do what we do. When we can let others move on and start honoring ourselves more, we make room for those who have hurt us to either change and treat us how we now know we deserve to be treated or they move on. It also leaves room for us to attract more loving people and situations and those that truly are a match for us in a healthy way.

        And know I am speaking to myself now, just as much as to you. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • You have no idea how much you’re helping me. Thank you so much. I wish I can do that for myself. I mean I really don’t know where or how to start. 😦 but I’ll keep all that in mind. Thank you!!

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s