Day 99 – I’m still lost

So today marks the 99th day since you broke the news to me. How can I ever forget that night when I literally felt weak. My world just went black. I couldn’t see nor feel anything else besides the pain. I literally cried my eyes out. And then everything turned into… Numbness. Darkness. 

Now that is all I could remember of that night. I couldn’t go back to that place without being reminded of all that I felt the entire night I was there, if even I felt anything. But I know it’s there, in my chest. I feel it every time I see you. I feel it every time I talk to you. I find it difficult to describe the pain that I feel but I just know that it hurts SO so much. Is there a word to describe all my emotions collectively? The pain. The anger. The hate. The love. I feel them all at once whenever I think about you. 

How do I stop this? How do I put an end to everything that I feel towards you? 

At first I thought I couldn’t let go of you because you didn’t really give me the closure that I needed. All I ever asked you was to tell me you didn’t love me anymore. That you’d be better off without me. And that you’d be happier if we ended it. You couldn’t give me that. I didn’t know why, and until now I still don’t know why, you couldn’t just tell me that. That was all I needed to hear. That you’d be okay. That you wouldn’t regret ending our relationship. You know? It would be a lot easier knowing you were okay. 

Until I saw your name again on my timeline. Everything that I thought was wrong. Because I definitely don’t feel better now when I found out from looking at your profile that you’re okay… That you might be dating someone new. That you’ve finally moved on. 

So the question still remains, how do I do this? 

How do I forget the only boy who has made me feel loved? The only boy who accepted me with his arms wide open despite my flaws. 

How do I let go of the girl you once made me? The girl who believed in true love. The girl who was happy. The girl who would do anything for the love of her life. 

How do I move on from something that incredible? How do I un-love you? Tell me. Because I’d do anything to be able to forget… 

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2 thoughts on “Day 99 – I’m still lost

  1. Hi. You just have to accept it. and I understand it doesn’t happen overnight. But you really have to work with it. Let time heal your broken heart too. I’ll be praying for you. I know that you’re really having a hard time. You’ll get through this, someday! Believe me. 😉 God bless. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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