Can you hear my heart screaming?

Beatbeatbeat… Beatbeatbeat…

The sound of my heart beating so fast and loud. 

How can I ignore it when it’s all the sound that I hear? It’s like there’s a hidden switch in my heart that would turn it on whenever I hear your name or see your face on my timeline. 

I can’t tell whether it’s love or anger that I feel. From the moment you left me, I seem to have lost the ability to differentiate love from anger. Silly, right? There are times when I am so mad at you I just wanna blame you for every pain that I feel. I wanna make you feel twice the hurt you’ve given me. But I know for sure that you’re the only person who can make me feel whole again. I feel like your hug is the only thing that can make me feel better. 

I can’t say my heart is at war with my mind. Because I don’t know which is telling me which. A part of me wants to just move on and forget about you. But there’s also this part of me that wants to hold on. That part of me still hopes that one day you’ll come back for me. 

It’s hard. There are guys who have tried asking me out on dates. But I always say no. I’m afraid to like someone new. I don’t wanna fall in love with someone else. I wanna be always available and free for you… Just in case… 

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8 thoughts on “Can you hear my heart screaming?

  1. welcometomyblackparade6 says:

    I am kinda dealing with the same issue, as much as I wanna tell you move on. I know how hard it is to move on! Just be busy and try focusing on yourself more, and hopefully you will find another good one ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for understanding. I don’t even know what to look for in ‘another good one’. I thought I’ve already found the best person I could be with. And until now I still think he’s the best boyfriend/best friend I’ve ever had. And I don’t what him to be just the one that got away. Why is it so hard? I wish I know where or how to start moving on and living my life without him in it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • welcometomyblackparade6 says:

        Its hard ! And its not easy… No matter what people tell you, its not easy because im sort of passing through the same situation and hes telling me that we are better offf “friends” but try doing some different activities to get your mind off things. And as i said if hes worth it he will come back… Keeep your head up xx

        Like

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