You were just my temporary happiness

He’s almost perfect. The almost is added just because I know nobody’s perfect. He must have flaws too. But I can’t see any of them. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m too blinded by my love for him. Or it’s because he really has no flaws.

Whenever I heard my friends complain about their partners, or I saw posts on social media sites whining about insensitive guys, I always thought of myself as being the luckiest girlfriend for having the most understanding and patient boyfriend. He was exactly the opposite of what they had been complaining about.

He understood me in the way that no one had ever done. He listened to me share my deepest secrets that I had always been afraid of telling even those I considered my closest friends, out of fear that they’d see me differently. Different in a negative way.

The connection we had was special in so many ways I couldn’t explain. He made me believe in true love. He made me believe that there was someone I could trust. And he made me believe it was him.

And nothing can make a girl happier than having found a boyfriend and a best friend in a single person, right?

What I felt for him, I had never felt for anyone before. I had never opened up myself to anyone the way I did to him. Maybe it’s because no one had really paid attention to me more than he did. He had always wanted to know more about me. He had never forgotten to ask how my day had been, not missing even the smallest, most insignificant detail of my day.

I was happy. I had never been that happy before.

But if you ask me now if I can bring back time, will I still allow those things to happen? If I will still allow us to happen? I can’t give you a straight yes for an answer. Because despite the fact that those fifteen months have been the happiest fifteen months I’ve ever had, I’m not so sure if I’d still want that if it would mean to have the worst heartache I am having now. And sometimes I think I’d rather have those fifteen months just the usual fifteen months where I am neither too happy nor too sad, than have it the other way around and be this miserable for I don’t know how long. The past three months have been the worst three months of my life. It’s been hard, really. And I don’t know how much long I can take being this lonely. I just want this to end so bad.

I still think of him as the most perfect boyfriend I have ever had… The most flawless person I have ever met. And that doesn’t help things get easier. That fact makes this a lot harder. Because how can I just let go of the most perfect person I’ve ever met? How can I not regret it for the rest of my life? I don’t know who to blame because I don’t know who is at fault for what happened between us. And that makes my moving on even harder.

Because the worst reason I can hate him for? It’s for making me the happiest person alive for just fifteen months. If you can make me that happy, why not do it for the rest of my life? Why leave me with what-ifs and maybes? Why leave me the most heartbroken and miserable person alive? Why give me temporary happiness and take it away from me, along with my life, my heart, and my ability to trust?

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