How do I move on?

They say there are five stages to moving on…
First. Denial.
Second. Anger.
Third. Bargaining.
Fourth. Depression.
And the last. Acceptance.

The stages have been named. They’ve been defined. They’ve been explained.
Yet the length that a person should or would go though each stage is still unknown.

So how do I know it’s over? How do I know I’ve moved on?
It’s been more than two months already yet it still stings.
It still feels just like yesterday when I had my heart broken.
He wasn’t even my first boyfriend yet it felt like I just had my first real heartache.

There are days when I feel like I’ve already moved on.
There are moments when I feel totally fine and better off without you.
Then I would see your name on my timeline… Then bam!
A voice in my head would just tell me “Here we go again…”
It’s like I’m always back to the starting line.

I wanna reach the finish line. I wanna end this race. I wanna run fast.
I wanna finish this one and start another journey.
A new one that would be totally worth my energy and time.
A run that I wouldn’t have to finish alone.
Yet I don’t have the strength to even carry my own legs.
Yes I can walk, sometimes I even feel myself jogging.
I try. I really do try my best to make it to the finish line.
But sometimes, I just feel like going back to the start line is my only option.
Whenever I feel lost, instead of taking risks… Instead of diving into the unknown…
Instead of moving forward… I always go back.
I know I just have to want to finish the race bad enough to even start running.
But I always go back… I go back because it’s what’s familiar.
I go back because I still hope that maybe, just maybe, this time, you’ll take my hand and finish the race with me.
Maybe that’s the problem. Because maybe I don’t wanna move on. Maybe I don’t wanna forget.
Maybe I still love you no matter how many times I keep on telling myself that I don’t want you anymore.
Maybe I still do. Despite the pain, I still want to finish this race with you.
Will you run with me please? And never leave my side?

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