Deafening Silence

I’ve already lived 1/3 of my life without you. If I can just put my life on hold so I won’t have to live the rest of it without you by my side, I will. I don’t want to ever forget what you looked like. And I sometimes secretly wish that somewhere in a parallel universe, I still have you. But in this lifetime and universe I am now, the only choice I have is to live with the pain knowing that I won’t ever get to see you again. Because I don’t wanna move on. I don’t wanna forget.

Sometimes I feel like I can get through whatever life throws at me because I already survived my greatest fear, that is losing you. But I know in losing you, I gained my personal guardian angel.

Happy birthday Mother!




Tired of Meaningless Conversations

I am really not good at starting conversations, much less keeping a good one. I am not fond of the how-are-yous, weather talks and all the other simple conversations you usually can have with strangers. Sometimes I feel like I am too old and tired of all the getting-to-know-you meet ups. More often than not, I enjoy being just myself. Be it strolling around malls, reading a book at my favorite cafe, or just staying at home thinking about life. Good thing is, the old people in my life know and understand this. I don’t feel the need to explain myself to them every time I decline their invites for parties. I don’t have to feel sorry for choosing to spend my afternoons alone than hang out with them. I suck at meeting new people for these reasons. And I don’t have a problem with that. I’d rather be alone or go out with the old people in my life from time to time than try to explain to other people why I am like this only for them to mock me for not being good at socializing with others.

But I am good at having deep conversations about love, and life in general… I can also do good if you just need someone to be quiet with. That I can proudly say about myself.

Am I the only one who has this personality? Because I once tried to explain it to a friend of a friend and she just told me I was being crazy. I stopped talking to her after that. 😪

Hello And Goodbye💕

It’s officially 2018 from where I am. I know I’ve been saying this since I started this blog, but this year, I promise to try to write every day.

So these are my goals this year

  • Eat healthy
  • Exercise regularly
  • SAVE!
  • Learn photography
  • READ
  • Love myself💕

I know this New Year is just a dimension that really has no effect in our daily lives. The sun is still going to rise in the same direction. The earth still rotates at the same speed. There’s still going to be sunny days and rainy days. And if we want to make a change, we should do it the moment we think about it. But, it is still kind of nice to think of entering this ‘New Year’ with a clean slate. Like somehow pressing a restart button in our lives where we get to refresh everything without forgetting what we have already learned from the previous years.

So cheers, 2018! I’ll move forward to this year carrying with me all the memories and lessons from the previous 27 years I have lived. 💕

Thank you, 2017, for everything💕

Another Ending; A New Beginning

2017 went by so fast with me living my everyday life just because I had to. I was forced to do things I thought I was supposed to do. Looking back, I never really did something extraordinary this year. I was like a lost soul knocking on every door I could find, not really knowing what I was looking for.

When 2016 ended, I thought I was gonna be able to spread my wings and soar high. Unfortunately, this year didn’t start well for me. I let myself drown in my emotions. I poured liquor over the broken pieces of my heart praying to all the gods it would heal. I tried to ask the world to stop spinning for a while just because I wanted to stay deep in my own thoughts not fearing that everyone would go on with their own lives and eventually would forget about me. But after months of unconsciously ruining my life, again, I distanced myself from the people I cared about. At that time, I thought it was the only way to save them from me. I was so broken that I became selfish and selfless at the same time. Just like the previous year, I lost a few, but those who truly mattered were still there when I reached the end of the tunnel. And along the way, I gained new gems I knew I’d forever treasure. Among these gems, one stood out.

But for the past two weeks, I have been tempted to drop this most important gem I found, out of fear that it might be just another broken glass that would hurt me. Or maybe the other way around. I honestly don’t know where to go from here. Until now, I am still not sure if I am already standing at the end of the tunnel. There can be another one a few steps ahead of me. But I wouldn’t know that unless I continue walking. The only question I have in mind is, will I bring this gem along with me? Or should I just face this journey alone?

P.S. It’s already 2:43AM from where I am. And while writing this, I put Spotify on shuffle and the song ‘Don’t Say Goodbye, Say Goodnight’ started to play. Is the universe telling me something?

Another note: I took that picture so that’s not me in it, that’s my Aunt.

Cheers to another ending and a new beginning.

My 2017

2017 – Please be good to me

I have been preoccupied with work stuff lately that I didn’t have time to write here nor even visit my blog. I realized how long I have been MIA when I was writing on my planner today and saw that there are only few pages left.

2017 is almost over. Is it just me, or this year feels sooo fast? Have I accomplished anything from my goals that I have set on my mind when this year just started? Was I too focused on work that I have forgotten about other things that are even more important?

Well maybe it’s not yet too late for me to keep up with life. I still have three months left to go for the things that I want. I hope and pray that before this year ends, I get to accomplish if not all, at least half of mg goals for this year.